Bistros and software sales presentations

Many sales presentations are cruel and unusual punishments for prospects.  They get locked in a dark room, see some screens and have lots of slides read to them in a jargon language they don’t understand. Sometimes I’m sure they sign the deal just so that they can see daylight and their friends again.

Anyone who does presentations should read Presentation Zen

However,  herewith a blast from the past.

A few years ago here in starship enterprisey  we put together a little play for a presales training course.  We called it the Bistro.  Eric, the Chef was especially impressive.  As this was pure theatre, we don’t have a recording. 

A sales presentation in one act

Cast: Roger, sommelier and Maître D’ at the Enterprise Bistro. Eric, Chef. Philip Kangaroo. Matthais and Katja, customers.

Music playing  – wait until everyone is sitting down….

Enter Roger, sommelier and Maître D’ at the  Bistro.

Roger: Welcome to the Enterprise bistro. The best in the world. We have over 9000 customers, we have Michelin and Gartner Stars, we have more potato peelers than anyone else. We are the best. We are not arrogant. We love vegetarians. We are Global leader. Check out the gastro-quadrant. 

Lots of famous people have eaten here. We have references.

Enter customers (Matthias and Katja)

Look around for a chair. Ignore everything that Roger is saying. Use lots of expressions to show consfusion as to why there is no menu or chair….Remain standing.

Roger: We even have a french cook, and he isn’t on strike.

 Enter Eric the Chef.

Eric: I am a chef not a cook!!!  (Mix in lots of complicated french) before you eat we will show you some more powerpoints.  Let me tell about what we will make you eat today.

17 cloves of garlic, 4 onions, 6 stems of rosemary, 1 pinch of salt, 12 mgs of monosodium glutonmate, 1 fish, 1 cow, 1 kangaroo, various parts. 

We have 7 microwaves . We have 678 knifes from Germany and we have over 6000 people peeling potatoes in our state of the art peeling centres in Bangalore and Palo Alto. 

Roger puts the wine on the table

Roger: Here is your wine, it is the best red wine in the world. It is from South Africa.

Matthias:- We don’t drink wine!

Roger: Wine is best business practice you must have it. We have benchmarks to prove that it will improve the ROI of your meal.

Katja: We are from the international vegetarian society!

 Phillip (in kangaroo suit) enters stage left and hops around, Eric eventually catches him and brings him to the table.

Eric: Here is your steak it is a global steak. We bring the best from around the world into our restaurant we will configure it for your requirements. The plate will come with the next version as we have redesigned the look and feel of the plates. Your partner should have brought the chairs.  But rest assured we have best potatoes.

Matthias and Katja: Perhaps we should go somewhere else?

 

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4 thoughts on “Bistros and software sales presentations

  1. Excellent.

    Reminds me of a quote from Lila by Pirsig: “Metaphysics is a restaurant where they give you a thirty-thousand page menu and no food”.

    Seems perfectly applicable to the IT world.

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